We Don't Read Your Blogs

Let me specify.

We are talking about most mental health blogs. otherwise we do read blogs. These days we read more blogs than books, much to one of our displeasure.

We do hit a mental health blog on very rare occasion, particularly from new followers on Twitter, just long enough to trigger us into a bad place and then move on, because who wants to be in a bad place. Triggers suck when they are the bad kind, that's a primary reason for avoiding many mental health blogs, as well as struggling to control many aspects of our life, and what we are exposed to. Honestly, while we love Twitter...it can be a massive trigger for some of us, but only occasionally.

While some people find comfort in reading our blog, as many have told us, and we indeed strive to reach out TO others, we do NOT strive to reach back. Does that even make sense? We're not looking for a life vest, or a buoy. We work towards being our own. That's what we're trying to articulate.

We've never been the kinds to seek approval from people, other than just sorta blending in a bit for as long as we could. So if this, or anything else we say in this entry, pisses you off, please feel free to comment, but know we will either a) not care or acknowledge it b) care too much and flip out c) be triggered into some sort of defensive mode that may end poorly d) all of the above and more. It's what happens when we share the same blog, the same body, the same life structure.

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The Boyfriend makes Russian Roulette jokes all the time. All barrels are loaded up in this place. Sometimes it's not eggshells that The Boyfriend tiptoes over with some of us, it's shards of broken glass.

We're lovely though...or so he has said...on occasion...

Back at er.

Yes, we do have friends with mental illnesses, some similar to ours, some different, if they write we read their writing, but we, like them, are not seeking a group where we can talk about what is "wrong" with us all the time. Or a place to complain. Or a place to act like we are better than others, or worse than others, or more mentally ill than others. Life is not a competition, or a pity party. For us, it just is and we can't wallow in our problems, because if we did that from the start...well...what life would we have then?

"Mmm, you make us sound sorta like an arrogant bitch."
"Who does she think she is?"
"I don't want enemies."

You see, we write, about our life, our experiences, our thoughts, this is our therapy. We no longer see a therapist, we haven't in over ten years. We do not take medications, we haven't in almost two years. And while we are sure there are many out there who write similar to us, we do not desire to connect with pain...we have enough of our own. We don't need a hole to wallow in; we are susceptible to falling in them, so we choose to avoid those of other people...we end up digging enough of our own anyway.

"Why are we even writing this."
"Who do you think you are?"
"It's okay, make us seem like a bitch. Makes me happy."
"I'm not being a bitch, I'm being honest."
"Call it what you want."

We don't join/follow mass amounts of heavy mental health blogs, while we provide links to some of them...we have a low tolerance for visiting them.We get misunderstood, we think; and while we're not overly concerned about it, many of us don't want people's feelings to be hurt. Feelings hurt because we don't read their blogs, follow them back on Twitter, Friend them on Facebook.

Many of us tend on self-awareness, and it may sound stupid, but sometimes it's a burden. Some us can also pick up on emotions, moods, even very subtle shifts, of other people (some call that empathy) even among strangers...a lot of the time in real life, but sometimes in writing too. Particularuly those that we can identify with. Honestly it makes some of us EXTREMELY uncomfortable, exhausts us, and/or sometimes makes us feel paralyzed. We can't all be Melody all of the time. (she's the one of us who has very few, if any emotions...she is void of most feelings outside of our system*)

Triggers, empathy...everything...we just can't read your blog, your Facebook status, your Twitter feed, if you use it as a platform to focus on all your mental health problems with negative thought and/or no illustrated discourse on how you are working to solve them. Other people may enjoy that...just not a huge percentage of us.

For our own mental health we don't read the blogs, books, the texts (any more than we have to in order to provide valuable sources for people who read ours) or watch movies (purposely) that deal with specific mental illnesses, one being our own.

Understandably we may not be able to participate in any Mental Health Month Blogging activities, once again, like last year, after we publish this Possibly because what we wrote here today might upset the wrong people. We also realize we may lose readers because of this, but we write so much than just mental health here...

~ Frank et al

Note: the coloured sentences are conversation we had with each other while writing.

*Triggers: Conversion symptoms or body memories. Physical phenomenon such as pain, smells, tastes, etc.; reaction to stimuli; sometimes causing a re-experience.
*For more terminology: http://wearejcmf.blogspot.com/p/dissociative-identity-disorder_05.html